Exaggeration and Blank Verse
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel the Series

Dear Fred,

Hey, girl. I know what Wes and Angel said, what Knox and Illyria said. That you're gone, that your soul got burned up, that there's nothing left in this world or any other. I don't buy that. My grandma told me nobody can stop God's will. That if he decides a soul is his, ain't nobody gonna change that. And why wouldn't he want you with him? I wish every day you were still here with me.

So there's nothing left of you that we could pull back into one of Wesley's orbs or stick in a jar (and how do we know that? we never tried) but the part of you that matters- that's with God. That's watching over me. These past couple years I lost a lot of faith in the Powers that Be and God and all, but lately I've been going back to my roots. It hurts too bad otherwise.

Wes is with you too up there, right? Gotta believe he is. You two signed deals with the devil but still stayed clean. Angel and I, we got the blood on our hands. I won't be seeing you when my time comes- I'm following the big guy all the way down to Hell. Hope he and Spike have a crew together by the time I get there.

I'm the last one left, Fred. How weird is that? It's almost funny, in a sick way. I never thought I'd live past my twenties. Now it's looking like I'll live a long damn time. Makes me laugh- but then I cry.

I'm up in the mountains, girl, can you believe that? Some punk-ass little town in Colorado. I'm working at a gas station. Not big money, but what do I need with that? It's quiet. Nobody needs a hero up here. Which is good, cause they ain't got one.

Woke up this morning and realized for the first time that nobody I love has a place to be remembered. That doesn't seem right. It's just going to be a painted marker- on a hubcap I found at the station. I think that would make you laugh, anyway. I miss hearing you laugh...

Don't have anything to bury, so I got some bottles to hold letters. I didn't want a completely empty grave.

I already wrote for Alonna and Wes. Your letter's the hardest for me to write, Fred. I could bleed for a hundred years and not get rid of all my guilt. I don't deserve your forgiveness- but I feel kinda like I'm going to get it anyway, because that's just your heart.

You might wonder why it's just you three at this grave. Well, we buried Cordy in LA, but we buried her in our hearts long before that. And she died OK, fighting the fight. You and Wes and Alonna...you weren't done yet. It wasn't your time, and it was all so stupid. You died as parts of plans that weren't even yours. That ain't right, not at all.

Angel and Spike, they died a long time ago. They've had their monuments. They never should've been in our time at all, Fred- why should they be remembered in it?

I know you'd tell me not to be bitter. But I can't help but think it would've been different if they'd stayed dead when they were supposed to. If we never got dragged into this mission thing...my head knows you'd be in Pylea and I'd be dead. But my heart...

My heart misses you, pretty girl. And it always will. I'm so sorry.

~Charles

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